Before Jesus Changed My Life
I grew up in a loving, Christian home. We prayed before every meal, sat in the front row every Sunday and attended classes every Wednesday. The "duty" of attending church was always a part of my life but it lacked a true focus on God, his attributes, his holiness and why he was worthy of my worship. At home, I was encouraged to seek a personal relationship with God through prayer and bible reading. Truth be told, I did that half-heartedly, sporadically and mostly as a reason to "check the box". As I entered college and through my 20s, I drifted into a time where I was running the furthest away from God. I convinced myself that God wanted me to be happy. I believed the lie that if I was having "fun" it was okay. I convinced myself that God would want me to be "happy", what could be so wrong with that? This was a slippery slope that ended in abusing God's grace time and time again. In my heart, I knew I shouldn't be living that way but I didn’t understand the significance of my sins against a Holy God.
How Jesus Changed My Life
Thankfully for me, God is faithful and patient. After my husband, Mark, and I were married and settled in Cedar Rapids we found a church that felt comfortable and familiar to our upbringing. We attended regularly but it felt like we were going through the motions without any reason behind them. We started streaming a bible teaching pastor and we were both in awe over the "style" of teaching. It felt shocking to hear a pastor actually preach verse by verse through the bible and not avoid the hard issues. We started asking around and heard that there was a church downtown that also did this. The first Sunday we came to Veritas, we were both blown away, to hear the word of God preached and to see people, young and old, worshiping God in a way that we had not experienced before. God used worship and the preaching of His word to open my eyes to my sins and show me how fake my "faith" in him had been. I learned about Jesus, his love, his sacrifice and why he is due my worship. I felt the weight of my sin like never before, and the conviction that I had been trying to live while holding onto both the world and Jesus. At the same time, I heard more clearly than ever before the gospel of Jesus and felt his grace and love for me in a whole new way. I used to justify my actions with the lie that God would want me to be happy. Learning about the cost of Jesus' sacrifice made me realize how wrong I was. Jesus took my sins to the cross and died, he bore the punishment that I deserved and I received his grace and forgiveness. Now I know that I am called to be holy for He is holy (1Peter 1:15-16) and that I cannot live in my sin any longer (Romans 6:1-2).
My Life After Jesus Saved Me
I can feel the Holy Spirit working in me to weed out the world and change my life from trying to fit in with the world to being okay with looking different. The clothes I wear, music I listen to, consumption of alcohol, and use of social media have all been challenged and changed. Having faith in Jesus has also changed how I walk through trials. Instead of asking, "why", I remember God in his sovereignty knows why and I focus on worshiping him through that time. I am not owed an answer of why, but he is owed my praise and worship no matter my circumstances. It has been beautiful meeting God in the pages of scripture, and in hospital rooms and times of prayer with Mark. Most of all it has been beautiful worshiping King Jesus, praising Him for His grace and mercy and thanking Him for wearing my scars. Because of Jesus' grace I will one day join the multitude in heaven, eternally singing, "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty".